Ha! I was reviewing my post from 2 weeks ago where I opened with a description of how gorgeous the weather is. Today is absolutely non-gorgeous. It’s blustery, cold, and it may actually freaking snow. On a brighter note, that means I’m inside at my computer writing to you instead of outside on my deck finishing The Initiate Brother.
Now on to my point.
My point today, is that my point in these newsletters is often the same. I am usually having some revelation or another, making adjustments, and then eventually getting myself back into the same situation I thought I had just got myself out of.
How many times do I have to go through this cycle of epiphany and then confusion, ad nauseum?? And the answer is, as many times as it takes.
Because each cycle is different.
With each cycle, I’m in a different head space and heart space; I’m at a different level of consciousness. I’ve learned something, even if it’s the littlest smidge of a thing.
As we move up the spiral of consciousness, each time we revisit the SAME OL’ SH!T, it’s from a slightly shifted vantage point. We can see things we didn’t see a year, month, even a week ago. We have to be ready to see it; we can’t comprehend it a minute before we’re ready.
I’ve been thinking about this vis a vis To Do lists. I have many of them. For my personal life I have a Master To Do list, and a daily To Do list, and my office is papered in yellow post-its for the REALLY IMPORTANT, MUST NOT FORGET THIS THING items. And then when it comes to work, I have lists in Microsoft To Do, lists in my calendar, lists in my notebook, and a lovely assortment of work-related post-its. One could make a full-time job out of organizing To Do lists.
Every once in awhile I will have that epiphany – the To Do list will NEVER be done. The To Dos you accomplish have a way of creating more To Dos, and then those To Do’s get it on and have even MORE To Dos. And eventually you are swimming in generations of To Do’s.
What to do about this To Do situation? Here is what I think the answer is, from my current level of consciousness:
#1 – Figure out how to enjoy life while having an unfinished To Do list. I often think, “When my list is done, THEN I can relax.” But when I truly comprehend that it’s a river that never stops, then I can slow down, tell myself there is no need to rush through this To Do because there is just another one right behind it. Might as well appreciate what you can appreciate about the process, and don’t forget to BREATHE while you’re getting sh!t done!
#2 – Focus on Quality over Quantity. When I rush through my To Dos, I often find that I cut corners. In the speed of the moment, sympathetic drive takes over, my vision narrows, and I lose the peripheral perspective. I make silly mistakes, causing myself more work down the line. Measure twice, cut once!
#3 – Just do one thing. This is something I tell myself over and over again. My default mode is to do 3-4 things simultaneously – listen to a podcast while doing the dishes while cooking (aka burning) breakfast on the stove, while also randomly putting items back in the cupboard as I switch between the soapy dishes and the frying bacon. Lately I’ve started writing MY ONE THING on a sticky note and putting it on my desk. I set my Time Timer for 25 minutes and work on that one thing. No responding to emails or IMs or Huehue’s insistent impatient huffing. Whew – there is so much peace when I can do that!
Again, none of this information is new or earth-shattering. It all, as always, boils down to a few well known axioms: Be here now, stop and smell the roses, let go of what you can’t control, etc. But I repeat it because when you last heard those axioms, you were a different person than who you are right now, so maybe, just maybe, the April 16, 2023 iteration of You needs to hear it again!
Space to be Human Lab – Helping you heal so you can get back to doing what you love
If you like the idea of getting some space from your thoughts, and deep relief and support for your frayed nervous system, I invite you to book a CranioSacral session. April is CraniosSacral Therapy Awareness Month, so I am offering 75 minute sessions for $80 (a discount of $20). Book a 75 minute session and use code “CRANIO.” If you are a new client, you can book here.
Quad City Health & Wellness Professionals Mixer
If you are a health and wellness professional and you would like to connect with other like-minded peeps, please join us at the monthly QCHWP Mixer on April 24th from 5PM-7PM. You can find more info here, and you can register here.
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Category: Coaching
The “What If??” Game
Honestly, I’m struggling a bit with what to write today. So part of me was like, well, let’s just skip the post for today. And then another part of me was like, Heather, you enjoy writing these, and people have told me they enjoy reading them, so just go ahead and do it! And then another part of me was like, always doing the easy things does not a happy life make. So I talked myself into writing. (Side note: A client recently told me that her therapist said that not everyone has a constant stream of conversation going on their heads. I was blown away. This never-ending chatter and decision (or indecision) by internal committee isn’t a main feature in everyone’s brainpan??)
Anyway, I digress.
On to the subject of today’s email: I’ve been working through the 4 Core Questions of Appreciative Coaching:
- What gives life to you right now?
- Describe a high point or peak experience in your life or work up until now.
- What do you most value about yourself, your relationships, and the nature of your work?
- What 1 or 2 things do you want more of in your life?
Writing out the answers to these questions was very eye-opening. The first question led me down the What If path. I was writing about how I absolutely LOVE my coaching class. I love the philosophy and intent behind the methodologies they teach. At the core of coaching is the belief that the client is the expert on herself, and my job as a coach is to support and partner with her to essentially help her realize how awesome and powerful she is.
But DAMN. Coaching is HARD. It involves asking a lot of questions, drawing out the client’s motivations and values, being FULLY PRESENT and listening with your whole being, holding your tongue when you really just want to TELL them what to do (and you sense the client WANTS to be told what to do). A coach needs to artfully help the client extract the answers for herself, while providing information in little tidbits, and then only after getting the client’s permission to do so (because the Client is in the driver’s seat).
So, coaching is hard. And I know I’m not great at it yet. And I know that the only way to get great at it is to practice. But I hate doing something I’m not great at yet. And then I’m caught in an infinite loop.
So I started playing the What If game:
- What if I am this client’s best option to reach her goals?
- What if it is up to ME (just like it was up to Bastian in The Never Ending Story) to do what needs to be done, no matter how unimportant or unqualified or inexperienced I think I am (or FEEL I am)?
- What if I need to feel inadequate and do it anyway?
- What if I saw my feelings and actually felt them instead of THINKING about them?
This led to the I Choose game:
- I choose strength
- I choose clarity
- I choose action
- I choose energy
- I choose joy
- I choose challenge
- I choose to live
- I choose to find out what I’m made of
- I choose long term success over short term pleasure
So much of what we think and do is a choice – whether we choose to see it that way or not is another story!
I choose to share that with you because our human nature is to focus on our faults instead of our strengths, and I know many of us struggle with confidence and the imposter syndrome and the belief that we are not good enough or smart enough to live as big as we would like to, or to take risks in the service of a dream. But what if we choose to notice those thoughts and to really sense those feelings and then we decide to keep moving towards that goal anyway? What if? What do you Choose?
“Conscious living means becoming aware of all the choices we have and acting on them.” (Michael Arlowski, PHd)
Space to be Human Lab – Helping you heal so you can get back to doing what you love
If you like the idea of getting some space from your thoughts and deep relief and support for your frayed nervous system, I invite you to book a CranioSacral session. April is CraniosSacral Therapy Awareness Month, so I am offering 75 minute sessions for $80 (a discount of $20). Book a 75 minute session and use code “CRANIO.” If you are a new client, you can book here.
Quad City Health & Wellness Professionals Mixer
If you are a health and wellness professional, and you would like to connect with other like-minded, supportive souls, please join us at the monthly QCHWP Mixer, held the 4th Monday of every month at Crawford Brewery from 5-7. You can find more info here, and you can register here.
Newsletter signup
If you would like to sign up to get these posts sent to you directly, please click here.