I want to change, and I crave stability
I want to grow, and change scares me
I want to be challenged, and I’m petrified of failure
I want to be bold, and I want to stay in the shadows
I want to take risks, and it seems like too much work
I want to help people, and I don’t think I’m good enough
I want everyone to like me, and I want to be truly myself
I want more space and freedom, and I want structure and direction
I want to go engage with the world, and I want to stay at cozy at home
I want to be a master, and I don’t want to endure being a novice
I want to be a mystic, intuitive, and I want to see the proof
I want to be unique, and I judge people who are different
I crave confidence, and I am scared to try new things
I want to be close, and I don’t want to get hurt
I want to cry, and I don’t want to lose control
I want friends, and I want to be alone
I want life to be easy, and I know that if it was, it would be so, so boring
Maybe it’s the effect of the moon & the planets, or maybe it’s being be close to 50, or maybe it’s big life changes like losing Dad, but I feel as if I am at a dis-assembly point in my life. I have slowed way down and created more space in my life to let something new come in, but I’m not sure what that is yet.
In this liminal space, I am feeling kinda guilty about not being “crazy busy” like everyone else, feeling guilty about not making more money, producing more content, not living up to my potential (whatever that means), but I am receiving all sorts of messages that advise patience, stillness, receiving.
And I am attempting to listen. It’s hard – harder for me than just DOING SOMETHING. In the past, when I felt this way, I would have gone back to school, signed up for a new training, found a new job, forced SOMETHING to happen. But this time I’m trying to wait. Trying to figure out where the set point will be. I’m hoping it settles more to the Left – more into living life well, pursuing what interests me even if it’s scary and I might look stupid, more into connection, aligned growth, and feeling existentially supported.
So I’m just over here, kinda bored, kinda OK with it, kinda ready for things to just start moving along already. Gestating, I guess you could say. Pretty curious what’s going to emerge (hopefully soon!).
Anyone else out there feeling…in-between??
<3
Hlo
Ways to work with me
If you’re getting a sense that you could use some space to slow down and let yourself re-calibrate, come visit me! We can sync up and slow down together, creating the conditions our inner healers need to do their work (they can do it so much better than our Egos can!).
- You can book a bodywork session here.
- You can book an OI+Bodywork session here.
- You can book a free consultation here, if you want to chat about how we could work together.
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